Neda's 1st Birthday

Monday, September 21, 2020

This last year has been a blur. It all went by so quickly, the lows (many) and the highs (thankfully, more). And now I have a 1-year-old. Looking back I already feel some of my favorite moments slipping away from me. But, I will always remember the first time Neda laughed. Like, really laughed. Like any new parent, I questioned it. I couldn't believe something that was so fresh to this world was already giggling. Oh, what sweet giggles, too. 

I now have a different appreciation for birthdays. They're full of meaning and offer a new perspective that can get lost on a daily basis. I've been thinking a lot about when things really changed for me and I keep coming back to January 3, 2019. That's when I first found out I was pregnant. And I was terrified. Even though I'd wanted to be a mother, once it became a reality, I didn't think I was up for it. I suddenly wasn't maternal enough, I questioned why I had given up a life that I adored, and was intimidated by the loss of control. And yet the minute I met sweet little Neda and held her against my chest, all of those fears dissipated and were replaced by an overwhelming love.

Last Saturday we celebrated her first birthday with just our families. I baked her a cake, we played with balloons, and I let myself become absorbed in what turned out to be such a special day. 

We love you so much, Neda Maliheh Hayes. 

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